i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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