so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
