okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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