she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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