all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
