It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
