You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
