I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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