Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
