it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
