well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what day is it and did you see me today?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
