he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
