Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
