i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
