its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
