The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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