The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is wine microwaveable?
nutella sex= disaster
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk is a universal language darling
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
