god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
