Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize