how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
