i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
