Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize