end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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