I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
