Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
