dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
