i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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