i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
