marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
