If that was your dad, he is hot
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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