I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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