No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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