Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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