Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
