dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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