I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
