now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
