with your own penis?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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