I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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