Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
