someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
