where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
