So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
