By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
