he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
