dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
