GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
