apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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