so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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