she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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