Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
