Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
