so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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