Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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