the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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