I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
