If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
