I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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