I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
