Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
