Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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