dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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