I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
