I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
