You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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