My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
