I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize