Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
