if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
