The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
please come you make the beer taste better
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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