you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
