just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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