Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
