I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
