having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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